


cry for you

by dridri93



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Off-screen Character Death, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dridri93/pseuds/dridri93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Daddy always said to never, never cry and that tears are weak and sissy and that I should never, never cry but momma, daddy’s gone and I really wanna cry.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	cry for you

**Author's Note:**

> This is in part inspired by Tony Stark's relationship with his father (and my headcanon of said relationship) in the recent Marvel movies. But I find it reads well on its own, without any names.

Momma, momma help me. I’m falling-falling-falling and I’m so afraid, I want to cry but daddy always told me that crying was for sissies and that men don’t cry (but I’m not a man daddy, you told me that too).

Daddy always said to never, never cry and that tears are weak and sissy and that I should never, never cry but momma, daddy’s gone and I really wanna cry.

What do I do momma, you always say to be nice to the dead but what if daddy’s dead and my eyes are blurry and I’m kinda-sorta-almost crying? I don’t want to make daddy sad, momma, he’s already dead and Preacher said that daddy will go to heaven because he was a good man but he’s still gone and he can’t see us no more and I really miss him, won’t he miss us?

Was daddy a good man momma, because he never smiled and he looked away from beggars (Jesus says to always care of the poor and the weak, Preacher says) and he never told me he loved me. Isn’t that what being a good person is, loving everyone? That’s what Preacher said, last Sunday, he said that we all have to love our brothers and sisters in God (but I’m an only child, momma, and church makes me so confused). So is daddy in the bad place momma, because he never smiled or said he loved me?

I really hope not, because I love daddy and he should never go to the bad place because he’d tell the devil just what he thought and then the devil would be so angry and daddy would hurt (because the devil has no favorites, Preacher says). 

But if the devil has no favorites are the bad people hated by him too? I thought that the devil loved people who did bad things because they…they…what does Preacher say…they bring forth the devil’s purpose on earth? I heard Preacher tell daddy yesterday that he was a bad, bad man and that he would have to come and confess before he died, so that he could go to heaven. But then daddy died yesterday after church because his heart attacked him (that’s what the doctor said when he shook his head and sighed real heavy and slumped just a bit).

How can a heart attack you? They’re a part of you, right? Teacher says that it’s a mussel (but mussels are clams, I know that much) that makes the blood go around our bodies. It is because it breaks? I’ve heard people whining that their heart is broken (and they’re crying, crying, they should never cry because it’s weak). But then they laugh with their friends and they don’t die and their faces are still alive and their eyes are still alive (because daddy’s were cold, so-so cold and dead).

Dead. I don’t like that word momma. It seems so ending and final and just…dead. It doesn’t roll off my tongue like alive does, alive makes my mouth feel nice, sort of open and bright and vowel-y. But dead is flat and just stops so suddenly and maybe that’s why, because when you die you just stop.

Daddy just stopped when he died. He fell over and held onto his heart where it was attacking him and his eyes went buggy and he just…stopped. I screamed and screamed and screamed and my ball went rolling away across the grass (he was just about to throw it to me, he was finally playing with me and not working, because daddy never had time to play it was always work-work-work). Daddy fell down and he didn’t get up again, and daddy never got up again and now he’s under the ground.

I really wanna cry daddy, and you’re dead now so you can’t make me sorry for being weak. I’ll cry for you daddy, to prove that you can’t stop me anymore. I’m free from you dad. I’ll cry if I want to.


End file.
